Unconditional Parenting: review and yarn along

Well, I finally finished Unconditional Parenting, and I'd love to discuss it with you. The first few chapters of the book are devoted to exploring what it is that Kohn is arguing against. He sums this up as "conditional parenting," and this includes punishing and rewarding, love witholding, and controlling our children. I feel strongly that parenting does not consist of controlling our children, but I know that when we're struggling as parents we really wish we had that control, and our way of treating our children slips into those conditional methods. I know it happens to me. I also recognise in myself the results of conditional parenting in my own upbringing. I want my children to be motivated by empathy, compassion, love, and curiosity, rather than fear or self interest. I want Sausages to choose not to hit Bob because it would hurt Bob and he wouldn't want that, rather than for fear of punishment or losing out on a treat. I don't believe that "time out" is a helpful thing to do to a child who is in need of your guidance and reassurance.

I was really hoping for practical suggestions on how to parent my boys without using conditional methods from this book. What I found was a reinforcement of what I already practice: treat my children with respect; try to understand things from their perspective; consider what is developmentally appropriate; don't seek to control them; offer them autonomy over their lives where possible. Kohn exhorts parents to move from "doing to" parenting to "working with" our children, but also to change they way we see things, not just the way we act. It's good to be prompted on these things!

The writing style of this book is intelligent but easy to read. There is a wealth of academic research referenced in the book which proves very interesting, and Kohn makes good use of supporting arguments. While I agreed with most of this book, I would have appreciated a few more case studies to give me more practical ideas for day-to-day situations with my boys. I would certainly recommend this book for anyone looking for guidance in parenting their children with respect.

Up next is the Alpha Parent's Breast Intentions. If you aren't familiar with this author through her blog, she is known for her forthright and unapologetic style, so I'm sure this will be an interesting read. It's not really sticking to the "26 books in 2015" list, but I want to read it so there. Given that it took me all of January to read Unconditional Parenting I don't hold out much hope for the 26 books project, but I will look to use it as a prompt if I ever need one for choosing my next book.

Knitting this week is Follow Your Arrow 2. I was interested to see that a few people commented on a previous post that they don't like the idea of not knowing what they're knitting. I really love it! Plus this pattern has a few techniques that I'm not familiar with, which always entices me. I guess I must be a process knitter sometimes? Anyway, the set-up took me quite a lot of time, so I'm still only half way through clue 1, despite clue 3 being out this week. I'm hoping to wear it to a special wedding in March, so I'd better get cracking! The yarn is Patons extra fine merino 4ply in a lovely tonal grey, which Sausages picked out for me. He has great taste in yarn.

Bob is full of a cold this week and is either attempting to suckle or in the sling at all times. Hooray for babywearing! That is our Keppeke Reindeer wrap, in case you're interested. It's our only 100% cotton wrap, and it's the floppiest thing on earth, perfect for wrapping a poorly little thing.

I've been admiring all the pictures of snow around the internet, but living on the south coast we're not going to get much to play in. Instead here's a nice picture Husband took this morning of our palm tree in the dusting we have got! Don't forget to pop over to Ginny's and Nicole's to see what everyone else is reading and crafting, and have a good week

E x